A friend wrote to me about his loss of faith caused by a project, which would have benefited many people, going bad. This was my response.
Loss of faith is a big one. Especially if a big effort to create something good and worthwhile turns bad.
Don’t know if is has any bearing on it, but there is something I’ve noticed in struggles with my own issues of faith. Feelings create events which match them. No matter what I think, no matter what I visualise, it is my general level of feeling which seems to create my life.
This is what seems to me to make it tricky, because If bad stuff is happening that makes it more likely that I will have the kind of feelings that keep bad stuff happening – and of course vice versa.
I asked myself a question once about how was it that some things I wanted came really easily while others just did not happen no matter how much I wanted them. It dawned on me that the feelings i had about things which never happened were “far away” feelings. They felt like they were far away. Whereas the things which happened easily and gracefully are the things which I had “already here” feelings. When I can turn the “far away” feelings to “already here” feelings then things really move. How to do that? Therein lies the rub.
Now if I feel stuck in an area of life sooner or later in get round to asking myself how I really feel about it and look for how to work with those feelings (Emotional Freedom Technique, NLP, or a nice hot bath). When I work on my real feelings; then i get real results. Not so when I am trying to be Mr Super Positive.
As you know that fits with new thought teachings, but what I did not get fully before is that it is really all about Positive Feeling rather than Positive Thinking. The visualisation and other exercises are really all intended as a means to create good feelings – which then create good experiences.
Of course, it is much harder to turn our feelings, and therefore our circumstances, around when we feel that we are up against the wall. What helps me in those times is not try and be brave, not to try and be strong. Usually if I get into my honest feelings despair, helplessness, life out of control, desperation and so on – and from being fully there ask “somebody help me”. That is usually when things start to turn around: when I ask for help after facing my fearful, negative feelings.
For a long time I thought that being positive was the opposite of being negative. But the more I fought with my own negativity the harder it got to create good stuff in my life and the worse things got. What was it Jung said? “What we deny inside comes to us as fate” – anyway something like that. That rang like a bell when I first read that and came across ideas like “the tyranny of the positive”.
If I am filled with self judgement and self loathing (which was a big thing for me) I am usually going to make sure not much good comes to me. I am also going to think that anyone who likes me is either stupid, or lying.
This seems to me to be the paradox: to be positive towards my own negativity. To be compassionate towards the bitter, angry, depressed parts of myself. I think that is partly what Jesus meant when he said, “suffer the little children to come unto me”. It’s about paying kindly attention to the ungrown parts of us and leading them towards the light.
I tried to run away from parts of myself under the guise of “being positive”. Those parts felt abandoned and depressed so I felt their abandonment and depression – because they are part of me even when I fight against them. For a long time I had no idea that my depression came from what another part of me felt about my efforts in trying so hard to be positive.
Don’t know how this ties in with your experience. Does any of it ring true for you?