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From Unforgiveness to Forgiveness

By forgiving anyone we get better relationships with everyone.

We have all had experiences which we would have turned out better if we had handled them more wisely. We all have people in our lives which we could create a better relationship with if we could handle them more wisely too. These situations may seem to have nothing to do with the situations and people we have not yet forgiven, but they are actually closely linked. Any forgiveness process we engage in improves our relationships with all the people in our lives. By forgiving anyone we get better relationships with everyone. Each step in the path of forgiveness helps us tap more readily into our innate wisdom and helps us make the most out of our relationships with the people around and the situations which we experience. At the very least being more forgiving will help us become a more happy and pleasant person to be around. We will be less prone to the moods and attitudes which have a negative or annoying affect on others. By forgiving we become more wise and less wounded.

Try this:

1. Have a look as the definitions below of both unforgiveness and of forgiveness. If one of these definitions appeals to you maybe make a note of it and put it on your fridge or bathroom mirror, or somewhere private where you can see it regularly. Replace it later when you find another definition more suited to how you see things at that time.

  • Unforgiveness is hooking myself into a painful experience.
  • Unforgiveness is holding on to the pain from the past.
  • Unforgiveness is being unkind to myself.
  • Unforgiveness is saying ‘no’ to life.
  • Unforgiveness is not trusting myself and not trusting the deeper processes of life.
  • Unforgiveness is not allowing myself to be bigger than life’s events.
  • Unforgiveness is not allowing myself grow from the events of my life.
  • Forgiveness is unhooking myself from a painful experience.
  • Forgiveness is letting go of the pain from the past.
  • Forgiveness is being kind to myself.
  • Forgiveness is saying ‘Yes’ to life.
  • Forgiveness is trusting myself and trusting the process of life.
  • Forgiveness is allowing myself to be bigger than life’s events.
  • Forgiveness is allowing myself grow from the events of my life.
  • Forgiveness: the act of transforming wounds into wisdom.

2. write down a list of all the benefits you get from forgiving. Re-state the above in your own words, talk to others about it if possible. Tell yourself and others how forgiving will  benefit you. Try and cultivate a sense of why forgiving is good for you. This will really help you get motivated to forgive.

3. take a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle.
Start at the top. On the right side of the paper briefly write down one of the benefits you get from forgiving.  On the left side next to it write down any response you feel which your resistance to forgiving.  Again on the right side of the paper briefly, just below the first benefit you wrote, write down a benefit you get from forgiving (it can be the same or another benefit – whatever feels like it has more ‘juice’ for you). Just carry on down the paper, using more paper if necessary, till you feel the ‘charge’ going out of your resistance to forgiving.

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