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Loneliness and Forgiveness

We feel most lonely when we are not a friend to ourselves. We feel most abandoned when we abandon ourselves. We feel most rejected when we reject ourselves.

Lack of forgiveness can isolate us from other people and create loneliness in our lives. If we have a store of unforgiven material it can make . . . → Read More: Loneliness and Forgiveness


When we avoid too much we live in a void too much.

When our unforgiving mind is active we can easily build up aversions to particular people. This can cause us to avoid the places where these people go and can cause us to constrain or limit our work or social life. Of course, sometimes . . . → Read More: Aversions

The Balance Dance

Depending on our character, we may become more quiet around loud people; or we may become louder. We may become pushy around people who are offering us resistance and we may become resistant around pushy people. We may become needy around independent people and we become more independent around needy people. Yet all the time . . . → Read More: The Balance Dance

Are you Busy Blaming or Busy Learning?

It is better to be busy learning than busy blaming.

Releasing the need to blame and replacing it with our need to learn helps to create a more forgiving climate in our inner world. If we think about people we know who are Blamers we may notice that they do not seem to learn much . . . → Read More: Are you Busy Blaming or Busy Learning?

The Pain of Unforgiveness

If we have not forgiven, sometimes other things masquerading as wisdom will take its place. If we get bitter and cynical and accept attitudes like, “People can’t be trusted.”, “Men/women are just impossible”, or whatever, then this is nothing to do with wisdom. It can be tempting to assume that we have learned a lesson . . . → Read More: The Pain of Unforgiveness

Wisdom and Forgiveness

Wisdom is, in part, our capacity to extract meaning and value from our experiences. The more capacity we have to extract meaning from an experience the more likely that we see ways it which good has or will come out of it. This makes naturally makes it easier to forgive. Wisdom is not an abstract . . . → Read More: Wisdom and Forgiveness

Blocks to Forgiveness: Be Wounded, or be Wise

If we don’t forgive we have lesions not lessons.

Do we want to stay wounded or do we want to be wise? We only gain in wisdom if we actually learn from our experiences. We are unlikely to gain any wisdom, or helpful insights, from an experience if all we have is a sense of . . . → Read More: Blocks to Forgiveness: Be Wounded, or be Wise

Tough Forgiveness

Forgiveness gives us the freedom to stay and the freedom to walk away.

Just as the idea of Tough Love has helped clarify a healthy expression of love, the concept of Tough Forgiveness can help use clarify a healthy expressions of forgiveness. Tough forgiveness has a lot to do with whether or not we want . . . → Read More: Tough Forgiveness

Reconciliation and Apologies

Sometimes we may have a hard time showing remorse. It can be hard to find it within ourselves to take the initiative and offer a straight upfront apology.

This can also be true of the person who we feel has harmed us. It might be very difficult for them to admit their error, especially if . . . → Read More: Reconciliation and Apologies


Fear is wisdom as a child.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are two distinct and different things. Forgiveness is letting go of the desire to punish; reconciliation is the re-establishing of a relationship. They often go together and this causes some confusion between them. However, there are some very important difference between forgiveness and reconciliation: forgiveness is . . . → Read More: Reconciliation